Wednesday, May 30, 2012
hopeless
So today i went to the doctors... yuck. and i gained.. a lot. like not the usual like half a pound but i gained like 6 pounds.. I'm so ashamed to even write that.. I hate myself. It took so much self-control for me to not run my car off the side of the road driving home from the doctors. I have an intake appointment with a treatment place on friday and i'm freaking out... how are they gonna take me seriously when i'm this fat? Like i honestly am so ashamed and so worried. I'm such a hopeless failure. On top of this my best friend took me to her lake house this past weekend (probably where i gained all the weight) and I literally like fell for this guy that has a house right near hers... Anyway he really liked me and i had such strong feelings for him yadayadayada and then my friend got really upset saying that she's liked him her whole life and I cant do this to her. Well anyway I'm so torn because I REALLY like him, but I don't want to hurt her. Ugh, I'm sorry this is essentially my thoughts just being regurgitated.
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Never be sorry Katee! This is your blog, your venting station! I am so sorry about your friend. I can only imagine that that's a tough spot to be put in. But as an outsider it sounds like you and your friend should have a girl talk, and if you both like the guy, decide which is ore worth it- a disfunctional friendship or a boy. If she chooses the boy, than maybe she isn't the friend she thought she was.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the weight gain, I know first hand what you're feeling. I once got weighed in and was the same amount of weight up. I felt outraged. I knew that I wanted recovery, but I felt like that was impossible! I was having racing thoughts and the ED only grew stronger. But, looking back I realize that I failed to see my success, and I was only listening to the ed voice in my head that was telling me that I would have to "pay" for such weight gain. I think what scared me the most was the fact that I had always had managed control over my weight and when that happened, It seemed as though I didn't. I am always here to talk if you ever need to vent! Please stay strong and don't be hard on yourself <3
cara you're so sweet, thank you love. I watched your vlog and you're adorable ! haha, gaining that much weight in such a short amount of time completely freaked me out, but I've gotten control of it and I feel better. It means a lot to me that you care, thank you !
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