Alone

So my parents are celebrating their 20th anniversary in Bermuda. they left Friday and they won't be back until Thursday. For my entire life Sundays have always been the most stressful and worst days for me. Since my eating disorder and depression/anxiety issues began, I have called Sundays my "Sad days". Basically every Sunday I have a meltdown, get overwhelmingly anxious, or I'm just inexplicably sad. Maybe it's just a self-fulfilling prophecy that Sundays suck.... I get in in my head that they'll suck, and then they do.
       Anyway, today is no different, I'm having a sad day. I've binged and purged twice and I haven't held down any food yet today. I just feel so completely hopeless. I have a 15 page paper due tomorrow and I've only written 8 pages (all written today, whoops!) and I just have too many other school things to do. I only have like 4 more weeks of school but it is absolutely dragging on. This post is a bit jumpy, but last night I went on a date, mind you this is my first real date in almost three years... and I wasn't expecting him to feel me up and all that on our first date so I'm pretty pissed off and anxious. Clearly there's something wrong with me.. I'm supposed to enjoy this right? Not. I don't even know. All I know is that I'm so alone right now, I miss my mom so so so so much. I can't even call her because she's in a different country and her phone like won't accept calls from the US.
      Also last night at my date my friend Brianna came to pick me up because I left my car at her house after work, anyway... all I wanted to do was go home and sleep but she had to drive her cousin home from this carnival our town has every year. Basically he was stoned and slightly drunk and we had to babysit him in the car. So I was pissed about that. Then she made him sit outside for like an hour to sober up before she took him home... I'm not really a big drug person so I've never even heard of these but apparently there are these seed things that make you hallucinate.. So he had 10 and I was like really interested in the idea of them because when I'm depressed all I want is to drink or get high. So anyway he didn't want to give me any of his but he said he would go outside and buy some more off this kid and give them to me. Brianna was pissed at both of us haha (understandable) but anyway... So bri, ryan (her couz) and I went to go look for the kid and one thing led to another and a couple of guys from our school got mad at each other while we were looking for this kid. Anyway they were mad because one of them owed the other 15 bucks haha which is really insignifigant to have a fight over, but whatever. Anyway they were like punching and throwing eachother around and the cops came (how did they find out about this?) Basically me and bri just took Ryan and ran because he's been in trouble too much lately and if he got caught high and drunk, he would be suspended and i really don't even know what else. Anyway I was really freaking out at this point (I never do these bad things haha) and I called my friend mickaela and told her to pick me up... so she did and she took me to her house, let me drink her diet coke and eat candy and let me sleepover.. honestly I am so thankful for her.
       So basically right now I'm waiting for my grandma to come over (she has to drive 5 hours to get to my house) and then I need to find my sister because I have zero idea where she is, I haven't seen her since Friday morning and she won't answer her phone. Normally most people would be worried in this situation but I know that she's fine because she's Ria and she's always fine. And she's never home, so this doesn't surprise me at all. Anyway I need to go write my paper.... gahhh. wish me good luck !